“It’s funny how some distance, makes everything seem small. And the fears that once controlled me, can’t get to me at all!” - Let it Go, from Frozen
I know, I know. No more Frozen! But hear me out. Whenever I heard that line, I always paused. Yes, in the movie she was actually looking at a tiny town in the distance. But in transformational lingo, she’s saying that distance and perspective can make fear less overwhelming. Interesting.
I think this concept can apply to any circumstance in your life. Can you think of a situation that seems difficult, daunting, or completely overwhelming right now? Or can you think of a person you are angry or resentful at? Is there something you are afraid of or upset by?
Today’s happiness practice will teach you a simple little practice that will help you shift your perspective on this situation. Shifting your perspective sounds simple, but seriously folks, when you do it, it can literally feel like climbing to the top of the mountain and singing “Let it Go!” (Sorry, had to go there again.)
The Perspective Game
Pick the most daunting person or situation in your life right now, and bring it to mind in very clear pictures.
Step 1: Tell Your Story
First, we must discover the the story you are telling yourself about this situation or circumstance.
Imagine you are sitting down for coffee with your best friend. Tell the whole story, from start to finish, in your mind. Now look back closely at the story. Are you the victim? Are you the perpetrator? Did someone do something to you? Did you make a mistake?
Step 2: Tell Their Story
Next, think of someone else in your story. If you were the victim, picture the perpetrator. Now imagine YOU are that person. If your story is about a situation with your mom, put yourself in her shoes. If your story is just about you, imagine someone close to you, like your partner, telling the story about you.
Sit down with that person’s friend in your mind, and imagine that you telling the same story from his or her perspective.
What is different? How does it feel to look at the situation differently, from another angle? What motivated her to choose her words or actions? What does he think about you or the situation?
If there is another person in the story, try telling the story from even another perspective. How does your child see the situation, for example?
Step 3: Find a New Story
Finally, ask yourself: Is there another way that I can see this situation? Is there another story I can tell myself about it?
We all see and interpret the world differently. We tell ourselves unique stories about what happened and what needs to happen. Those stories dictate how we feel about a situation. Shift the story, you can shift how you feel about it. This means you can free yourself from the grey emotional cloud that currently looms over the situation in your mind.
YOU have control over what something means to you. You tell the story to yourself.
Your brain works, in part, like google. When you ask it questions, it will spit out an answer eventually. When you:
1. Open your mind to the possibility that there IS another way to see the situation, and
2. Ask yourself the question: Is there another way I can see this?
…your brain will find a new story. Listen for it.
For example, if your story is that your mother-in-law hurt you by insulting your parenting, and you can’t see her side of the story, you may feel resentful and angry whenever you think of her. You may notice yourself re-inacting fights with her in your head.
What if the story was: Your mother in law wanted to help. But because she was raised in another era, the only way she knows how to connect is to offer advice, albeit it poorly phrased advice.
See how the second story shifts the whole emotion around it? If you are stuck in a situation that feels stressful, frustrating, or overwhelming, you can shift the emotion by changing the story you tell yourself about it.
This process will help you find a new way to see your current circumstances and dissolve any grey emotional clouds that loom over yucky situations.
Try this…it seriously works. I used this to shift my story around my anger at my mom. What flowed was INCREDIBLE freedom.
Here’s a podcast where I explain the process more fully, using myself and my mother as an example:
http://inspiringmama.com/emotionalhousecleaning/
