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Re-shape the Parent in Your Head & Transform Stress, Anxiety, & Depression | Ep 34

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“It’s never too late to have a happy childhood” – Tom Robbins

Learn a new way to think about your relationship with the voices in your head. How do you actually go about reprogramming your brain to change the patterns that cause things like stress, anxiety, depression, self-criticism, and addiction?

In this episode, you will learn how to recognize the destructive voices and patterns in your head and lay down new patterns that support and nourish you. Host Lauren Fire shares the concept of re-parenting and taking back control over the way that you talk to yourself.

This episode will show you how to start to reshape your patterns and reshape how you treat yourself. It’s time to finally change, to finally be the person you’ve always wanted to be. How do you get YOU to emerge? The you that you know you can be…

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Show Summary:

I. Re-Parenting Yourself

“It’s never too late to have a happy childhood” – Tom Robbins

We all carry a parent with us in our heads. Most of our character, values, and personality comes from how we were parented as children. We adopted the model of our parents, in our heads. Once you realize this, you can get stuck in blame and anger at your parents, resenting them for how they treated you.

But there is no way out of this. It doesn’t matter what happened to you back then. It already happened. The real issue to focus on is: Who is the parent in your head NOW? At some point it ceases to be your parent’s fault anymore, because you are doing this to yourself. You can stop doing it. You can re-shape the parent in your head.

This podcast episode is about a process you can go through to, in essence, re-parent yourself. You get to create the parent in your head. You can re-shape it. That’s why it’s never too late to have a happy childhood.

II. “It’s My Life!” 

The first step in re-parenting is to take back control. My daughter is two, and recently started saying “It’s my life!” whenever we try to convince her to brush her teeth or get into bed.

That phrase has stuck in my head so much that I’ve actually started using it in the way I look at my life. Whenever I start to notice the self criticism or the parent that I don’t want controlling my head, I say to myself “It’s my life!”

I don’t want to feel guilty about the clothes on my floor. I don’t want to feel mad at myself for not getting enough done. I want to enjoy my life. I want to enjoy this moment not worry about how my hair looks. It’s my life!

See you are always more than that voice. You are not your critical voice. You have a critical voice. You are the one who observes it. You are the container where the voices live. So don’t let the voices control your day to day experience of your life.

III. Playing Dolls with Your Subconscious 

Now that you have decided you want to take back control, you pick the new patterns that you want. What were you missing in your childhood? What are you doing differently from your parents?  For me, I need more nurturing, support, unconditional love, compassion, emotional support.

Once you decide what you are missing, what sorts of things would you need to say to yourself to invoke these feelings? What sorts of things would you  have wanted your parents to say to you? What would help you now?

For me, its: It’s ok. Trust me. You can trust me. Relax. I’m not going anywhere. NO matter what you do, I will pick you up, I will love you, I will support you. You’re ok. Just cry if you need to. It’s going to look better tomorrow. This is just sadness, you’ll be ok.

I’m recreating in my head the safe place to land that I’ve always needed. I’m creating a place of ultimate compassion, that no matter what, I’ve got my back. No matter what I do or don’t do, I will still love myself. What kind of place do you want to create for yourself?

Now pick scenarios that generally trigger you and cause emotional storms. Role-playing your head how you would like that parent voice to respond. Play dolls, in essence, with the voices in your head.

It will feel weird at first, like these voices are not mature. They are not overly developed. So it’s like you’re dealing with a child in your head that you want to turn into a parent. So you have to be gentle with it.

Practice this regularly and you will start to shift your entire life.

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